You may know from my recent introduction that this is day 2 of me locking my ABF out of the house. He called me earlier today and was not nice to say the least. I just drove home from running an errand within 5 miles of the house he is staying at. We manage rental properties and he is staying in one of the vacant houses.
I successfully fought the urge to drive by. Whew .... but all the way I am composing a letter to him in my head thinking I can get him to remember how our love and our life used to be and to get him to "wake up" and stop using.
Then I get back home and read all these posts about no contact. And to think here I was thinking about offering myself up to his addiction. It's just so painful to still be so in love with the memories of "us." It's difficult for me to accept the fact that I can't make him get clean ... he is the one who choses life with a needle in his arm.
Thanks everyone .... I'm trying to focus on my own recovery now that I've realized I need one.