Livelife,
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.
It's hard enough to be in love with a man that (for your own safety and sanity) you can't be with. But having to watch him turn into a monster has to be especially horrible.
But you've got to accept that's what's going on: He is losing control and he has turned into a monster. He IS threatening you. Do you love him enough to let him hold your CHILD for ransom for drug money? What about holding YOUR life for ransom for drug money?
That, unfortunately, is what is happening. He has you by the throat, and your "desperate" need for him-and-only-him, and whatever need he fulfills for you, keeps driving you to take him back even though he will systematically dismantle your life and any little shreds of happiness you have left. That is what addicts do. The addict does not love you -- he needs you, your money specifically, and he will do whatever he needs to do, say whatever you want to hear, and threaten and hurt you if need be.
Please get a copy of "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. You will recognize yourself in there (I did, and a lot of us here did). You'll be able to step back and get the big picture of what's happening, and it will help you stay sane and strong through this ordeal, which unfortunately is just beginning.
Also, the next time he comes close to you and your children you must, must, must get a restraining order. Document everything he does and says, and be ready to show it to the police and judge to back it up.
Look at it this way: Say you have a daughter who has grown up and is now in her twenties. She comes to you and tells you the story you've told us. What would you advise her to do? Her boyfriend is saying things like "...you won't forget my name..." Wouldn't that worry you just the tiniest little bit?
Know that what your children see you doing now is what they will do then. You are teaching them by your actions.
You are not seeing things clearly because of this "love." You are in great danger -- you can't stay locked in your house forever, neither can your kids, and you are allowing this monster he's become to make you a prisoner in your own life.
This is no longer the man you love. Please realize that you're looking at someone completely different from that guy, and that he is going to hurt you if that's what it takes to get money to do his drug. You are expendable, and so are your kids.
They're ALL "great guys" when they're sober. We ALL have wonderful times that we remember. We love them so much it hurts. And none of that matters when addiction steps in.
Please be protective of yourself and your children.
Love and hugs,
GiveLove