Elana

I am having a sort of sad day. I think that this is normal.

Yesterday I went with the ladies to see the local Hi Skool performance of "Singing in the Rain" and it was very very well done. However, the subject brought back the good time memories with XABF... he studied film in CA and was in Film Class with Ron Howard.. they had vastly divergent careers after that... LOL

Anyway, I recall him telling me about actor and actress failures when pictures became "talkies" as the silent actors and actresses did not all have the voice for non silent films. He used to tell me of those who fell from grace with the advent of movie sound, and those who succeeded as well.

I guess it just made me miss the good times a bit and I suppose this is all part of grieving a loss. Anyway, there is a difference between having friends and having a relationship with another person and I guess today I am just missing that part of life.

I do not want XABF's lying, cheating, useless lazy @$$ back here in my life, but there were things that we did and discussions we had. I do find that sometimes I miss it and it hits me and makes me sad. I expect this is normal (hope it is anyway). I still get these feelings sometimes when I see a herd of nice cows out on green grass and think how much my deceased x husband would have liked to see that too (and he has been dead over two yers and divorced going on 7 years).

Well, anyway, that is what I am feeling. I feel it is just a normal part of life and it will pass. It is just a bit of loneliness.

I got up this morning and made coffee, eggs and a real small batch of biscuits and was thinking it would be nice to do that and share it with someone special.. and then I had the little turn off switch go off in my head. I recalled my XAH telling me how HE made breakfast in the College Dorm (he had a job as a cook when he was going thru college) and how my XABF would have taken the tools out of my hands and made me sit down while HE made breakfast while giving me a dissertation on how to be the perfect cook.. and my Father would have complained no matter what I did...

.. and the switch went off in my head saying, "Forget it. All they do is complain anyhow and let you know you can never do it good enough for them.. better off to be lonely than to deal with some guy and his superior attitude."

I was thinking.. it would be nice... but I then remembered how rarely it actually was.

Ah nuts.. just a little lack of self worth, ungrateful, selfish sadness and bad attitude today I guess.
As someone here says the difference between a sad day and a not sad day is about 24 hours. This too shall pass.

Thanks for listening to me whine...