itiswhatitis...

hi all,

it's been an interesting week - my mom brought my sisters older boys (11&7) here to IN last weekend to visit with the lil guys (2&4) - none of the boys have spoken to my sister since the weekend of the 16th of february - not once has she tried to contact any of them - when my mom left tuesday, she was worried sister had tried to kill herself because of a message she left on sunday, her 38th birthday - mom was going to try and get her into a hospital because the message was just wack - i thought that maybe she really was going to kill herself - my mom was upset i couldn't sympathize with her about my sister, that i really have better days when i dont' hear anything about my sister - it just makes the days a lot less drama filled when no one is trying to guess what she's up to or what's going on in her head - it's impossible to fathom so i'd rather not try...

i heard from my other sister - my sister apparently called my mom on thursday - clear headed - and told my mom that her and bf were home (after 45 days or so, ok...) and the basement (where they had to move into because the kids were not keeping the house clean and they had to lock their food in teh basement cuz the kids were lazy and ungrateful ok?!!!) was flooded so the landlord was there - sister said that if mom was going to stop by it wasn't a good time - so she would call mom later - my mom called my sister to ask what she should do - sister said mom should go to house - ask her to get help and get kids social security #'s so i can register 4 yr old for preschool, and have sister sign something so that i have temporary custody - mom decides (somehow) that sister would never do any of these things so she does nothing - ok? - she wants to make herself feel better that her daughte isn't dead but doesn't want to help make things easier for those of us with the kids - but that's ok - my mo specifically aksed my sister *what do you think i could do to help s?* sister told mom that i would probably want her to do what sister suggested and if she wasn't going to do that then she shouldn't tell me about it - so she didn't - i haven't heard from mom since she left tues. - the last thing she said was she didn't have any idea when or if she would make the three hour trip again because it was so hard to see the lil guys upset because their brothers were going home - i told her that that was up to her but i would hope that she would think about what was good for the kids, who did just fine, instead of how upsetting thigns were for her - she just got pissedo ff at me - oh well - i seem to have pissed sister (addicted one) her boyfriend, and my mom off - to the point that none of them will talk to me, the one with the lil guys (who should be everyone's priority, at least in my mind)...

you know what? - i don't care - i don't care that no one will call and talk to me - my day is truly easier when i don't have to think about that drama - the drama just keeps me on edge - i don't like to be edgy - and i really don't care - i think that's a good thing - to not focus on that crap...

there is so much good going on in my life right now - things are good with my husband, my oldest son just went away for a well deserved spring break and the kid he went down to florida with registered at the same school he's going to and is a good kid - real low key, nice kid - maybe since z dropped all of his old friends, well most, this is a good sign for the future - the lil guys are all getting along - and dcfs in IL called and wrote a letter that states that in amonth and a half they have been unable, through certified mail and numerous home visits, to contact parents of lil guys and after police reports, previous contact and interviews with immediate family, they feel it is in the childrens best interests to be placed with me - i should be able to file for custody once i have that letter - my other kids are doing great - and the *universe is unfolding as it should* - i have to remind myself of that lately - that i have no control - that i can only control my reaction to things going on around me - it helps...

and to all of you - once again, thank you, for praying for all of us, for being unflinchingly honest in sharing your lives and experiences with me and for just being here - i appreciate sr and all of you more than you can imagine - thanks...

love,
s