i'm having a hard time walking away from this post, i remember when i first came here, i believe that i was worse off than you, in my mind at least i thought so.
i was thinking about why you can't leave when you sound like you may want to and how he has you thinking that its all your fault and i want to share how bad i had gotten.
my husband did me the same way as i said earlier. my husband had me so afraid, he manipulated both of our families including our 7 kids that i was crazy, now i had no one to talk to about how i was feeling, then he went on to convince me that if i keep trying to explan this to anybody that him and my family was just gonna commit me to a straight jacket in some asylum. i believe him and was too scared to even go to the doctors, by the time i finally went to the mental health clinic, i could not comprehend what they were telling me, so i fused any kind of help from them.
i was having a nervous breakdown, but did know to tell anyone, that i was looking in the mirror and could see other people's faces and never my own.
he had convinced me that if it wasn't for him, i would have nothing, that i could not do anything for myself snd that i would lose my kids. i was so brain washed until, i finally knew that he was telling me the truth, and was only staying with me, as crazy as i was, because he loves me and wants to stand by me.
it is so funny to me now, because when i first came here and posted my first post, i just could not believe my ears. these people explained to me, and how they got through to me, only god knows, but they did. they explained to me, that my husband and i had been seperated most of this 21 yrs marriage, that i had manage to keep aplace and provide for me and our 7 kids the whole time, while he was out living with his mom, making good money to support only his drug habit and not even giving me childsupport.
here i am, month after month, a married single parent providing for a home, and 7 kids without his help, taking care of me and still i believe that i was too crazy to take care of me, that i needed him to do it.
somebody here asked me the question, that woke me up out of some kind of hypnotic state, " what are you talking about, you have been taking care of yourself and the kids all along and without his helpA" those words, saved my life. from that day to this, i began to work on getting my life together with or without my husband, and decided that whatever he had to say about me, just was not the truth. i'm so grateful that i found this place, i don't know what would have happened to me if i had not. you can do anything that you set your mind to do. remember that you do not have to stay with this man if you don't want to. i think that maybe you are not giving yourself the credit that you deserve. i love you