how are you today? hope you feel a little better. every now and again, i would buy a helium balloon,
write my childrens names all over it,
then say a prayer over it asking god, to protect them and guide them, and tell him that i was given them to him,
i'd release the baloon with the kids name on it in the air
a watch it until it gets out of sight.
as my kid's balloon disappeared, i know in my heart, than god see my kids balloon and is waiting to recieve them and i'd know that once the balloon is gone completely out of sight, that god had recieve them and now has them covered and will take care of them. then i'd rest know that god had them.
in the hard times, i would remind myself that i had given them to god and he has them and know how to keep them and guide them to the better place that he wants them to be. when i began to worry, i believe that means to me that i'm not trusting god to take care of them, that i think maybe i can do a better job or something just because i cant see evidence of him at work in their lives. at those time i have to have a little talk with me,again and again at times, letting me know that even though i can see it, that i've given them to god, and that i can not take them back, and i wouldn't know what to do with them if i did. so why not leave them where they are.
this is just a mental exercise for me, i also have done this with my ah/
i believe that when we pray, god hears, and goes to work on getting prayers answered.times he do it automatically and sometimes he leads and guide through some rough places but there is always an ending destination. so if i can focus on the fact that my hp know the route that it will take to get me to the better place, it is somewhat easier to sit back and try to enjoy the ride.
i am a recoveryaddict,too, from my personal experience with my own addiction, i'd have to say that your son's addiction, has nothing to do with you. he made bad choices and he know in his heart that it was his decision to use in the first place. not your fault. sure he may have struggled a little due to your own addiction, but in my opinion, he knew what it was like to be addicted first hand and still chose to take that route.
my dad was alcoholic, but it was not his fault that i chose to do drugs, that was my choice. blameing him would just me my excuse to keep doing something that i wanted to do anyway, without have to look at me being the one who made a bad decision for my own life. my kids have struggled too, because of my addiction, i did the best i could but i couldn't do better until i knew how to do better, and when i did figure that out, i did do better. i forgave myself, and learn how to move on from there.
sometimes it does seem like god looks the other way, but maybe that's because we are not having life like we think it should be, the way we want, but all of the time we don't know whats best for us, god see's around corners and we don't, he knows what lies ahead and we don't. i think sometimes we many end up in bad spaces, and it end up being for a greater good.
ok, i'll stop now, i think i'm rambling. sorry still praying for you and your son.