finally

Thanks to all of you for responding. Every story I read helps me.

jeepgirl, don't underestimate the importance of saying "no" to something small like buying cigarettes. It is the boundry that is important not the actual detail. It sounds like you're doing good.

My brother is in a medical nursing home for a month. He has a colostomy and a feeding tube. When he regains strength, he is to have the hole in his stomach repaired & will no longer need the feeding tube & will have his intestines reattached. He's had addiction problems for years, mostly denied by himself & my parents. In the hospital & now nursing home he has been given a fetanol(sp?) patch & dilada (sp?) for pain as well as ativan (sp?) for anxiety. Well, that was not enough for him & the minute he was able he added Xanax to the mix. He will be going home in 2-3 weeks & must be able to care for himself with feedings, etc. Obviously, that won't be the case with all these drugs & probably alcohol too (yes even with a hole in his stomach).

So I told the doctor. I got my whole family on board (I thought). The doctor stopped all his meds. Of course (who could not predict this), my mother went to the doctor crying to have the meds started again plus the Xanax. The doctor made a deal with brother that if he wouldn't take anything on his own, the doctor would keep him "comfortable". Brother had convinced Mother that if he didn't get the drugs he wanted, he would just leave. Also that he would die from the abrupt stopping of drugs. I know that last argument has some merit, but his drug use has been closely monitored for the last 6 weeks & he's at a hospital & being constantly monitored. Funny, how he'll mix all kinds of drugs & alcohol & not worry but when it comes to stopping "it might not be safe". That's just an outline of the current problems.

Oh, & my mother's attitude is that I'm the one causing the problems. I attended my first Alanon meeting Tuesday & will be returning.