(((Frizzylyn))) You have had enough pain for several lifetimes... so much so, that it may take a long time to get much of it healed. But the process has already begun... your anger, your questioning.... your willingness to change. These things ARE recovery, and here you are, SMACK DAB in the middle of it!!
What I do know, is that we are not professional counselors, just folks who have walked similar paths. We share what worked for us, and what doesn't.... and our hope for a better future.
I've discovered that my recovery has required SEVERAL "ways"... I've received professional counseling; I attend three different 12-step groups and am considering seeking out a physician's advice for medication. I am starting to develop friendships from my 12-step groups that support me in many ways, and most important, I have a strong (and growing) faith in a power greater than me.
Time takes time, Frizzy... but I see you picking up the tools you are going to need and most of all, that WILLINGNESS to work through your pain to find the bright and shiny person inside. She is there, I can see the glow.
(((hugs)))