Well since I had a "few cold brewskies" I think I have that monster back on me. The craving to drink (not drug) is very strong. The truth is that my 1 day RELAPSE was mild BUT that awful obsession has crept back. I have gone back to AA (2X a week) and still feel that members are judging me. I see my doctor soon who suggested last time Campral for the cravings. I know it's not a magic bullet but if it helps at all, it's a positive.
I have a desire to stop drinking and have been told that's all I need to attend AA meetings. I don't have the desire or willingness for step work or praying. I am less resentful towards the "old timers" who throw around all their "time." I don't judge myself (as much) by how much sobriety time I have. I won't be picking up my 1 year cake and chip
. I need to focus on the fact that my quality of life is improving.
I have not used cocaine/heroin in a long time and I am proud of that but still occasionally slip with alcohol. I have been told that alcohol is more physically damaging than the illegal drugs. I guess I became a lazy drug addict and found alcohol much cheaper and easier to obtain. I enjoy reading many of the posts here and think that this board has been helping me avoid the total 100 story drop of chronic addiction.