frizzlynn, HUGS, you received great replys, so I will just add, what Grace mentioned sounds wonderful, search the net maybe, wish Grace would tell us how she found this help.
In the meantime, a journal is good, but what helped me was the 4th and 5th step, have you done this?
My first one was pretty useless, didn't really understand so was all about him.
Then to do a better one I wrote the story of MY life.
I started with I was born then mentioned that my sisters were 13 and 16 years older, I left space for additions. Once started many things came up that I had thought forgotten, I wrote every little tidbitt. Everthing anyone said, what I said or thought. etc.
Our 5th step is amazing, I would do it with a 5th step clergy.
Getting this all in order and then speaking it aloud seems to releave us.
I still did another later as more things came up.
Al-Anon has a book on how to do a 4th.
I liked the one in AA Big Book, if you don't have a book go to
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/
Read chapter 5, Then do one that includes everything not mentioned that you need to clear away.
I would suspect we all have nasty things in our life. I do. (the book mentions, "clear away the wreckage of our past")
Just my opinion, but your medical problems are adding to all your feelings of being unworthy in all areas. Is there a support group for Lupus? have you gone on line to find a forum like this for lupus? Some things that happened to you were just not your fault. It happened like a tornado that came out of the blue. Some strick withot warning.
Caring, understanding hugs