Having been a practicing alkie for 24 years of my life, and now sober longer than that I can tell you:
That all of the above. It is self loathing, it can be manipulation, it can be the way the alcoholic is actually feeling at that moment, hopeless, no dang good, might as well just get it over with. Then of course, the next morning acting as if nothing happened, or in some cases not knowing what they said in a black out.
Might I suggest that you concentrate more on what is best for YOU and the CHILDREN. That is really all you can do. You might want to check out some Alanon meetings, and maybe some therapy for the kids. With a practicing alkie living in the home, and the father figure being that alkie, you all could use some help.
His drinking and drunkeness is affecting the children. They may be hiding some of the hurt, and emotional pain, but it is affecting them. Therapy now, will help them so much and make their adult life "more normal" if "normal" is at all possible.
Please try Alanon for yourself. Got to at least 6 meetings, and preferably different meetings if that is possible, then make a decision if you think Alanon can help you.
J M H O
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing, we do care!
Love and hugs,