From Courage to Change May 4
Who am I? When I came to Al-Anon, I thought I knew the answer to that question, but I discovered that my answers were all out-of–date because I had long ago stopped asking myself who I was. I could tell you about the alcoholics and everyone else in my life – their likes and dislikes, opinions, feelings – but I had no such answers for myself.
Al-Anon gave me Twelve Steps with which to rediscover myself. Making a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself and sharing it with a trusted friend (Steps Four and Five) were especially helpful. It was the first time in a long time I had paid so much attention to myself! I also learned about myself by listening in meetings – when I identified with others, I gained insight into my own thoughts and feelings.
Today I know that I am a passionate, generous, opinionated, moody, honest, tactful, stubborn person. I know how I feel and what I think on an assortment of topics, and I am aware when these thoughts and feelings change. Al-Anon has given me back the only thing that was ever really mine to keep: myself.
Today’s Reminder
Recovery is a wonderful word. It means getting something back. Today I will try to remember that “that something is me.”
“If a man happens to find himself…he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.”
James Michener
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This reading has always spoken to me. I remember when I was asked what I liked or disliked, and I absolutely no idea. Somewhere along the way I had ceased to exist as a separate person. I could tell you what he liked and disliked, his favorite foods, movies, stores, music, everything was about HIM. In his defense, he didn't make it that way, necessarily - I did.
When I first found recovery, it was such a novel concept to me that I could be my own person. In all honesty, the concept was terrifying.... to get to know myself and understand myself and to be comfortable in my own skin... and to treat myself as I would treat a friend.
The Fourth Step helped me to find myself. I know it sounds corny, but it's the God's honest truth.
~ Cat