((((Hugs to All))))
Well, No Coincidences again. This very step has been on my heart recently to redo. And don't I open a PM from (((((( Ms.Pj's))))))))) informing me that the steps were active again!
And so now I can no longer procrastinate (a major defect of character BTW).
I've *really* been taking my inventory recently(more than usual)
I've realized that I'm not liking parts of myself lately.
I've had this ongoing relentless nightmare(separation from AH) that I pray will see some finality soon.
When I stop to reflect on my behavior throughout this ordeal. It's not a pretty sight.
This is partly a fifth step for me too...
I realize that I have been running on anger mode for a lot of the time. Although I realize anger is part of grief and it's also necessary for survival, however I have allowed AH to push my buttons to the point of infuriation many times. As much as my recovery told me not to, And as bad as I would feel about it afterward, I would blast him with every ugly thing I could come up with.
Verbal Assassination it's called.
At those times, I forgot about my recovery: I forgot about balance. I forgot about compassion. I forgot about the serenity prayer. I forgot about forgiveness.
I'm still not at the point of forgiveness with AH. That is going to take some time. I suppose I'm not there yet because I'm still feeling the repercussions of his addiction and his behavior and his actions now.
I know for my own serenity I will have to take that deep journey inward and find it in my heart to truly forgive him. Well, At least for now, I'm at the point of considering it. That's progress.
I'm truly not one for taking revenge on anyone.
I try to always to keep in mind that I'm not anyones judge or jury...HP is the only one qualified for that. I do my best to try to take care of my own business and keep the focus on what Iam's doing.
Besides I have to remember, that my A's are sick people. They're suffering too.
None of that means I have to become a doormat or in denial about how their actions affect me. I no longer have to accept abuse or unacceptable behavior. However I don't have to try to blast them off the face of the earth either.
It's all about balance. The only way I can achieve that is through daily Prayer and Recovery.
Well, Cat's PJ's and all who shared, this was a good refresher, and it was good to get that out.
Hugs to all,
Iamunique
Ok it's your turn you *Fearless* person.....