Hi Missminime,
Welcome and I'm glad you found us.
I can hear the desparation in your posts and I want you to know that you are not alone. I remember how lost and alone I felt when I was trying to stop drinking. We are all here to support you.
As others have said AA is not the only way. Stopping drinking and living a peaceful life is accessible to you and there is lots of information and support here, so keep posting. And, don't be side-tracked by posts that upset you, because you will find you have many friends here.