Headache.. My brain feels like it has the size of Africa forced into my skull.
Maybe i didnt slipped.. i did fail. I fell... hard.
I want to do this alone, dont talk about AA. I cant go.
Im sorry if thats the only way there is, cause then im f*cked.
I do not function in a room full of people. Not sober.
I always feel like people dont want me nowhere near themselves - cause damnit, thats what ive been told from everyone i ever had close.
Me and Taz was talking about my shell that i do know i have, and i dont want to get out of it - noone can hurt me if they cant reach me. They cant hurt me if i dont let them.
Im numb, and its not only the alcohol. The alcohol just makes me... not so sad cause i dont feel. I never learnd to love.
I never felt loved, maybe you dont feel when youre loved... but dont tell me that, its my only hope.
I need sex. Thats love to me. I need human contact. Skin to skin to know that i still excist. Im not even sure anymore, everything feels so surreal.
So ive been drinking all week.. with my mom.. and alone... what a sad pathetic nobody i am.
Talked to my friends, they laughed and told me they knew i wouldnt last long sober. They knew it... guess i did aswell. I really hoped, i did.
Im sorry, i really dont expect any answer to this nonsens. Had to get it out.. and you people are great.. there will always be someone with the same feelings or experience and with good advice. And if not.. you listen.
Im sorry please forgive me for another sad, dark thread. I really feel like i dont bring much to this forum, but i just couldnt help myself from posting. Ive tried.
Sorry
Minnie