I'm going thru the same thing LST! I just submitted a post called struggling today.
I feel like I can never do enough for him, which is the codependency and if I stop doing the things I used to and start focusing on myself that's not good enough. They really want you to stay the way you are because it's just easier for them and safe and comfortable.
My A keeps questioning me about my love for him, which has nothing to do with what I am doing for me. He tries to lay the guilt trips, etc saying I don't care about him.
I don't know what to tell you other than keep banging away at him and telling him that it has nothing to do with your love for him. Maybe one day they will get it.