No, Teke - you didn't misunderstand. TODAY, I feel like such a failure...again. I know that this is all so new...but how could I have been so stupid? We have children, wonderful children - they deserved and deserve better. I see where his addiction and my behavior have caused and are causing problems for them - it just can't be too late...it just can't be. In my head, I know it isn't my fault - you all say that, the counselor and those at alanon say that - all I read and hear supports that. It's a hard pill (okay, maybe a poor choice of words there) to swallow, though. I remember myself at my kids' ages - what was going on, my thoughts and feelings as a result. I know what baggage I've brought into this from my childhood - and, I guess my husband counted on that baggage. The cycle can be broken though, right?!
Crying in the Starbucks I wish I had in front of me...