wking2change I went to a seminar once with a man whom was a recovering alcoholic explain addiction as a disease to the group. As he explained it me I will try to explain without botching it up.
A person with the disease of addiction do not go thru the normal filtering of the chemicals when injested, smoked, consumed. Our bodies filter thru and go thru phases of unconcious reactions we are unaware of. Although you may not remember it, your body is rejecting the chemicals or toxins which is what drugs are, and your body doesn't want to experience this again, thus making you feel ill at the thought of a drug you might have experimented with. The addicts body bypasses these filterings and experience a whole new level of feel good. So when we do something that makes us feel really good and our body's are not rejecting it in the normal way, we want more of it. It is then when they become addicted.
So while we can not understand why they want to do drugs, they can't understand why we don't do drugs. I was 1 out of seven children whom didn't get the addictive gene passed down from my father. The other six are recovering from alcohol and some drug addictions. And a couple are still active addicts. So after trying many different drinks and drugs over the years to try and "FIT" in, I finally realized i was not an addict or alcoholic. My body said no even when my mind said yes. So I have no more choice to not be an addict/alcoholic no more than my 6 siblings have to be one.
I hope this helps as it helped me come to a better understanding of my family. I found to no longer hate the person, but hate the disease.
And by the way you sound like you are on the right path, you inspire me to get on the ball and restart my work on my recovery. and like you I think i am a type A, I felt like I failed when my husbunds addiction got out of control. But keep working on the things you have said above, it gets easier and as time goes by, we find serenity. And as if you needed to add to your list of reading might I suggest one that helped me a great deal? Melody Beatties Bokk "Codependant No More". She really hits a few nails in her book.
Sending some hope and prayers your way
