Welcome to SR Joi. We're not that far apart.
The ism effects everyone of us.
My mother had to put up with my using too, i guess pay back is a B.
Anyway, you might also try reading up in the ACOC section.
At least the stickies....
My father drinks like a fish too, and I never wanted to be like him..but there i was.
Congrats for whatever how many days you have and trying to stay sober.
Staying clean and sober is basically the only way I could make amends
to my mother. She heard too many "i'm sorry and i won't do it again"
I didn't know if I was able to be able to do it for the rest of my life....
So I just did it one day at a time.