free2be

I should be the poster child for CODIE. Background and update.

AH pulled one of his MIA's in the beginning of Feb. I decided it was not worth the questioning, badgering and fighting. So, I played dumb. The next day I L/M on his voicemail pretending to be the very concerned wife. Telling him that I missed him, what time did he expect to get out of work?(I knew he did not go to work that day). Call me so I know what time to have dinner ready "sweetie". I was very convincing. He called back later saying he was on his way home. That night I tried to catch him in a lie. I baited him over and over again. He did not bite not once. I did not confront him about what I knew. Just to exausted by this point. I went about my business, kids, work and house.

After that, he decided that he was going to take a well deserved vacation from life/work. Despite the ever amounting bills. He jetted of to the secluded paradise "Poor Me Island", an all inclusive resort. He was able to soak in the rays of the television screen, sleep, have a private chef(me), maid(me), nanny(guess who), if asked to drive any children to activities he was able to have a tantrum and he got left overs from one meal a day. (by this point the chef only cooked for the kids). And even better he did not have to call his employer to explain anything. He just didn't have to show up.

The kids asked if they could go and spend the weekend at his mothers. He agreed to take them. He never called or came back. That was that. The End.
Lawyer retained.

I received a voicemail from his mother about 2 weeks ago. She said that she had a check from him and wanted to know whether I wanted to pick it up or should she mail it. I called him(of corse he did not answer) I told him no need to put her in the middle, to mail the check. I checked the mail everyday, no check. About 5 days later she left message to call her. I didn't. The next day my daughter told me that grandma wanted to talk to me. Concerned, I called her back. I couldn't help it I asked how he was. She said he has good days and bad days. He just returned to work. She told me that he was very upset about $$. He could not understand where it all went. What I had done with it. All she kept saying to me is "all that $ and nothing to show, I don't understand" "It makes me sick" " He has worked so hard" Um, Hello. I did get into it a little with her. Defending myself. She asked about the check. I told her I l/m for him to mail it. She said he never told her she would mail the next day. No, check

His sister called me a couple of days later inquiring about the plans for the weekend in regards to the kids visiting. She lives with their mother too. Since he was back at work and was not able to pick them up until late she agreed to meet me. The night before she called to verify plans. She also let me know that she had the check as well as another(original never mailed) from him. I was so relieved. I had not received any $ from him since the end of Jan.(he doesn't get paid vacations). That night they shut of the cable. I don't really care about the t.v., but phone was shut off as well. Next morning I made a payment to them to restore service, figuring I was going to be getting $ today.
Sister-in-law calls me, I could tell she felt very uncomfortale. She told me that he had spoken to a lawyer this morning and he told her not to give me any $. He told her to tell me he wanted all of the bills so he could pay for them himself. I felt so sorry for her. I could not believe he would put her in this position. I told her I would not discuss this with her, I would not do this to her. We then agreed about a time to meet and p/u the kids.

I called my lawyer and then I called him. He answered(yikes) I couldn't help myself and I screamed, yelled, called names. All I remember him saying is "your not going to screw me". He hung up.

I cried ranted to friends and calmed down. I met my sister in law later and she gave me $ from him and had me sign something. I felt so terrible for her she was crying. I wouldn't have taken it, but he has not given any $ for about 5 weeks. I needed to cover the cable, I needed groceries.

I spoke to my lawyer and he told me to give him the bills, but make copies.

When he dropped the kids off. I left belongings and the bills for him.

Today, sister in law calls again. She said that he needed the tax returns for the past 2 years. He was applying for a loan. I asked her why he keeps doing this to her. She said she doesn't know, but he is her brother and she has to. I asked why he was getting a loan? I could tell she had an audience(mother in law). She was very evasive. It was driving me crazy, Why would he be inquring about a loan? Was it because of the bills I had given him? I was going to talk to him about selling the house, satisfying debts. I am having a realtor come this week. No need for him to get a loan. Credit is so bad he wont even qualify. All debts will be taken care of when house is sold. Not to worry about foreclosure by the time the bank begins paperwork house will be on the market. Who the hell is advising him? I paniced. I called my sister in law, he needs a loan to retain a lawyer. I told her 2nd mortgage was actually a line of credit and he could use that, tell him to send in stamps and use vaction funds. I explained about the house and told her to tell him to borrow for friends.

I am really really sick. I actually advised my AH on how to retain a divorce lawyer. When will I ever stop feeling the need to rescue him from himself. When will I learn that it is not my responsibility. When will I stop caring what he thinks of me. WHy do I need him to feel that I was the best thing to ever happen to him?