sorry you feel bad, i agree with dolly. we all make mistakes, maybe its time for you to forgive yourself first, and then maybe you can work on forgiving your husband. i don't know if you have began to work the 12 steps of recovery, but when i did the first time, coming out of rehab, i found that working the steps helped me to face and work through painful pass issues, that i would use drugs to block out. i found that in doing that, my chances of staying clean were a little greater.
my ah was unfaithful in his active addiction, i believe, even though he deny it, but for me it was the truth and i guess in my own sick way, i accepted it, partly out of fear of i don't know what and partly because it was easier for me to stay active and numb to the pain of his unfaithfulness, as long as he didn't get in the way of my using.
as soon as i got clean and i didn't have drugs to numb me of past hurts, fears and resentments, feelings began to surface. the steps helped me to recognize and process the pain and resentments that i had numbed out, taking away any excuses that i could use to get high over, making my chances of staying clean greater. i found myself being able to forgive myself and anyone who i felt had hurt me, causing me to feel a sense of peace and gratitude.
have you gone to any meetings yet? do you have a sponsor who may be able to help you to work the steps, if you haven't already?
from what it sounds like, you are judging yourself more that anyone, maybe if you can first forgive yourself, then it may be just a little easier to work on forgiving your husband. good he's working a good program and i'm glad to hear that he is doing well.
maybe as you continue to work on you and your recovery, what he has found spiritually you may too. its all a process that comes one step at a time. as you grow, more will be revealed to you. do what you know to do, time does bring about a change.
i still don't know how my rah and i are to survive our marriage, but for today, its one day at a time. try to stay in the day and let tommorrow speak for itself. i pray that things work out for you and your husband. if i had to make a suggestion, it would be for you to take it slow, take care of you and allow time to be your saving grace. i sure hope something out of all of this make sense. if not, you can pm me anytime you want, and i'll try to do better.