*Codependent Experience*
Today I went to see an IMAX film with my boyfriend and I noticed something about myself....I kept making comments to him during the film like, "Oh I'm sorry it's boring right now....I bet it will get better!" And I realized that I have been doing this my whole life! I feel totally responsible for everyone's feelings in situations like this.....as if it was my fault if the movie was boring?!?! I would even apologize to the people I am with if they didnt like the movie....as if it was my fault?!?! I would always do this....even when I didnt personally choose the movie.....I have always felt it was up to me to keep everyone happy.....and if they wern't happy, I wasnt happy.
Evertime I go to a movie, a play, a restaurant or wherever.....I feel like I have to "entertain" the people I am with. I am SO engulfed in how THEY feel (are they happy? are they entertained?) that I don't even know how I feel (Did I like the movie? Am I entertained?). After doing this for years I completely lost my identity in others. I am SO GRATEFUL that I realized this today.....I thought to myself.....Why do I need to worry if he likes the movie, I didnt make the movie.....its not my fault. So for the first time today I was able to enjoy a movie FOR ME.....I was able to decide if I liked it......I was able to decide if I was entertained.
I thank God for the knowledge and awareness that I recieve everyday....everyday I come a closer & closer to knowing the REAL me :o)
Thanks for listening!
Much love! ~Stephanie