As for my update:
I'm still struggling with a pretty strong episode of depression that comes in waves. For the most part I'm okay once I can get out of bed...and until some minor anything happens around the evening time - then it's a fight to keep back the tears.
And the last two evenings have come with a great deal of inner anger and frustration. Very few times in my life have I ever felt a type of anger that makes me want to hit and kick things, but it has happend. Although, usually I have these "fits" when some significant emotional hurt has fallen upon my life....like a boyfriend walking out and only leaving a note to tell me.
No major anything has happened the past week. Yet I've hit my steering wheel out of anger last night and tonight, when in the elevator heading up through the parking garage...I hit the elevator wall...out of not really anger, but more I think frustration and some hurt I don't even understand. I wanted to start kicking the door and the walls too, but I didn't....out of some stupid fear of getting in trouble or something.
Anyway, this is highly uncharacteristic of me...
Some horrid unknown seems to be churning inside my head. This is stronger than the everyday down talk in my head that beats me up over and over again on it's continuous tape. This is confused, near hopeless frustration.
I hope it goes away soon.
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Now, the other issues on my brain tonight revolve around my voluteering to do some photography and design work for a group of local independant film makers.
The first time I volunteered my time...it was an hour and a half drive and I just photographed them in action.
The second time...was to be promo type shots for the poster for their next movie released. I had thought it would be just a few people and a few shots and a fairly simple poster design, but instead they had about 9 people to shoot and want them ALL included in the poster...which means I had to take each photo and "cut" the person out of the picture in Photoshop and then a co-worker layered them all into the same document with a design he created....and then the very overly specific one requested by the group.
Now...all of this would be fine and dandy except for 2 things:
1. That day they scheduled me to go take all those pictures (on my day off)...I showed up with no idea that they had planned to have their videographer ALSO take the exact same shots as myself!!!
I have NEVER been put in such a situation before and had I known them better or it been a smaller group...I would have told them how crappy that was to do to me. I mean, if they wanted him to take the pics...then why did they schedule ME to come and do it? And if they wanted ME to do it...then they should have had enough faith in me to get what was needed and not have a "back up" there! It was a huge put down...that I was doing this for free and they didn't trust that I would do it good enough or right. And it was very stressful to have to take turns with another photographer as they went down the list of characters...and also...just deciding where to stand...was a HUGE ordeal...as all of them thought they needed to have some input.
Now....even ALL THAT...was months ago and I had even forgotten about it....until tonight.
You see....after I spent another several hours of my own time digitally cutting out all the images so that my co-worker could put it all together on his last day at the paper....
BUT THEN....come to find out (and this is even AFTER they had continued to keep tabs on my progress with the poster)...THE SAME GUY who they had ALSO taking photos....well....HE had put together a poster too!!!
And EVEN THEN....I hadn't blown my lid...and more than 2 months ago was told that they would send me his version to use it as a guide to get closer to what they want.
Several promises of the same, over and over and I still have yet to have it e-mailed to me.
So....now it's past time when the movie was to have already been released...and after not hearing one word from any of them in a month....I get an e-mail saying basically that we all need to get together and figure it out so it can get finished.
AND...I had told them I wanted to do a press kit for this next movie release...and for more than half a year now have been asking for simple bio information, over and over again. And have yet to get any of it! And I've got a pretty good clue that they are going to want it all ASAP.
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I took a time out to e-mail the one I know...so we'll see if anything comes of it.
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Hugs,
Jenna