All of the above worked for me. I had to remember the damage that had been done, refocus my attention on other things and people that I loved, and stop the useless self-pitying romantic fantasies in their tracks whenever they started up in my head. I kept a rubber band around my wrist for that purpose, no kiddin'. All of that was just me, wanting to squoosh him into being what *I* needed him to be, what he was never going to be, sober or not sober.
I also had to try very hard to remember that my life is about more than being in a romantic relationship. That's a part of life (sometimes); that's NOT my whole life. I feel as though god put me here for a reason, and I suddenly had time to try to figure out what that reason was, and work on it.
Peace and strength to you, to build a beautiful and happy life for yourself.
Love,
GL