Thank you
Pernell - apologies in advance - this is kind of long and rambling - just have to vent - I am dealing with an addict/alcoholic (have been with my husband for almost 12 yrs). He went to rehab once, thought he was serious, and he relapsed several times. After losing a job, and lying to me for about 5 yrs about what he was doing, I confronted him (again), and he is now back in an outpatient program, and attending regular meetings. For my own sanity (which is fading fast), I found this site, and have been off and on here occasionally to get some support. I found this thread just this AM after a big blowout - wish I had found it sooner! I am definitely the provocatrix in the play. I am now trying to put up with the self-centered aspect of his new program - "everything has to be focused on me right now, hon - sorry" attitude is wearing pretty thin here. I have put up with so much nonsense that I've just about had it. I am trying to be as supportive as possible, but after having been burned so many times, my trust is pretty much gone. I have put my foot down, and explained to my husband that I want him to be in my life, but don't NEED for him to be in my life - I am highly educated, own my own business, and don't need him for my survival. However, I am not the only one with responsibilities around here. EVERYTHING is left up to me to handle - with the reasoning being that right now he has to concentrate on his recovery and nothing else. I can live with that to a point, but it's getting harder and harder to cope with all of that plus my own needs. We just came back from my son's wedding (in NJ in fact - we're both TN transplants from NJ), and the event was fine - no problem whatsoever. Until the next day, when he insisted on driving up to North Jersey to visit his family - a gang who all still drink and drug. Needless to say, I thought this was a bad idea, and said so - but I was guilted and bullied into going (I may never see my Mom again - she's getting old, etc.). We went, and nothing major happened (except that his family drank in front of him the whole time we were there), but I am annoyed that I caved, and annoyed that my beautiful weekend with my son ended that way. Now that we're back home, the routine has begun again - he goes to work, goes to his program 3 days a week, more meetings 2 days a week, a family session I am ORDERED to attend this weekend (although I have a work conflict) - and in the meantime, I am handling EVERYTHING else in our lives. Feel like there is no time for me - I have been counseled to make a life for myself, which I have done - retired from teaching in NJ (Paterson, in fact) to pursue my own business full-time, which is just now blossoming and getting me the self-esteem and recognition I felt I deserved, but his program constantly interferes with some of this. He does and says a lot of things without thinking first, and causes a lot of hurt. I have thought about leaving the whole situation, but would like to see if he is serious - this time - I hate to throw away ten years if he has finally gotten it, you know? Any words that could help? Thanks for listening.