I think so, Pernell, thanks. It seems to me that we codependents worry when the addict is using, and when he is clean and working on recovery, the codependent still worries that they might use or relapse. So even though the "cause" has taken a positive turn, the effect (our own neurosis) continues.
Is this what you meant? And if we stay in denial (that is if we think we have any control over whether he stays clean or uses) then we just continue with our codependency. My experience is that working my own recovery helps me not do this, but I can't say I am perfect and it does sneak up on me.
Am I on the right track? Boy you make me think a lot, and the exercise is good for my brain and my recovery.