Mini you are one of the people that help keep this old drunk sober! I love you, I know where you are at right now, I know that trapped lonely feeling. I know the self hatred and the shame you are feeling now. I know that powerless feeling!
I found a solution!!! I was beaten down like a dog, alcohol had kicked my arse! I was powerless and felt like there was nothing I could do. I finally put myself into detox to get sober and from there per the detox centers strong suggestion I went to AA.
The rooms of AA were the first place I have ever felt like I belonged, it was the first place I have ever been where I did not feel any one was judging me, they all knew how I felt and they wanted to show me how they had come to not only get and stay sober, but also how to be the best person I can be, how to be happy, how to love myself first and now the world.
If not AA then some other support group, you are not alone in this battle with the beast hon, for this old drunk it took the help and guidance of people in AA who have battled the beast and won on a day by day deliverance from the beast.
There are rooms full of people who have been where you are now and want you to join them in being happy, joyous and free!