i had to accept that i was an addict, too. i was addicted to the alcoholic in my life. beyond reason, i was addicted to him. he smelled sweeter than any man i have ever known, just to touch him and feel the texture of his skin was a "fix", the air immediately around his physical body was like a drug.....when i breathed in the air around him, it sank all the way down to my toes.
and this is not how i am, people. i have walked away from several relationships with not so much as a tear. walked away so easily, that it was disturbing to me. but when i met him, i was spell cast.
i was addicted. and that included everything that went along with him....his alcoholism, chaos, abuse, joy, fear, good times, bad times....you name it....i was addicted to it......and to him.
once i realized that i would have to treat him like my drug of choice, i had to approach my recovery just like an alcoholic or drug addict would approach their recovery.
they say one day at a time....hells fire....for me, it has been one second at a time many, many times....just to keep from feeding my addiction.
so acceptance that i was an addict was probably among the last realizations i had that helped me tremendously get on with my life.
in the beginning, i did things by rote.....went to al-anon, read, followed lists, i was a walking robot. until i understood that i was just as addicted to my husband as he was to alcohol, my recovery stood still.