Your "name" is InThisForMe. So, okay, let it begin with you so you can live a life that is for YOU. Of course it is painful as all get-out to let go. Hon, I've been living in a hotel room for 16 days, with no job, no money, and living on credit while my AH is living in our house trying to get his head on "straight." He is doing all sorts of house projects. Pulling a dry drunk and tryin to negotiate his sobriety with me. LOL!!! In fact, he told me he could be reasonably "happy" living alone and doing all sorts of house projects. Yeah, happy and happily in denial about HIS addiction.
I could sit here and be angry, feel life is giving me a bum deal, worry about him, or feel like I deserve righteous revenge. Am I a saint? Heck no! I just see it for what it is. I was run through an emotional wringer with an addict. I tried to have rational conversations with him. I tried to understand him. I stood by him through three rehabs. So what? I didn't have a life. Living alone in a hotel room with a crock pot, a small microwave and a small refrigerator is more of a life - because it is MINE - than I ever had with him.
You are hurting. You are frustrated. You want this to be the happily-ever-after ending you envisioned. There is still hope. Let her go for now. Focus all of your energies on you - NOT avoiding yourself with projects but getting in touch with yourself. Believe me, you will get through this if you just recognize that you are a valuable human being regardless of whether or not she is in your life or not.