Hi everyone
Well, I've been reading all of your posts for a few weeks now (isn't that what everyone says?!). My ex gf is an alcoholic, who I still keep in touch with on a daily basis, as it's hard to suddenly cut someone out of your life who has become such a big part of it for several years. Anyway, to make a long story short, she was sober for a year when she was with me and relapsed several times, after we broke up, after trying to get clean again, and she most recently has been sober for 17 days as of today. She hasn't told me she's out drinking, but it's a fair assumption for me to stay that she is... no returned phone calls, no text messages, no car in the parking lot (we live in the same apartment complex).
So I'm sitting here wondering all night where she is, knowing very well that I'm codependent, knowing very well that I can't control it and that no matter how much I think about it and cry about it, I can't change what's happening. I've done a lot of reading Al-Anon and AA material, a lot of reading your posts, knowing that I need to let go and keep my mind occupied, but I just can't seem to do it. I'm dreading going to bed because I know I won't sleep - I know that I'll continually wake up during the night, wondering if she's okay, wondering what her excuse will be tomorrow.
I made her my life for the two years we were together and I'm unsure how to get my life back. I know that I've been an amazing influence in her life, I know that she's a completely different person when she's with me and sober than when she's without me and drunk, and it hurts watching someone change like that right before your eyes.
What do you guys do to keep yourself busy? It seems no matter how much I try to read or watch a movie, or even hang out with a friend or talk on the phone, I'm still thinking about her - or I start again the second I finish my activity. I know what I have to do, I know that it will get better with time, but I just don't know how to stop being so codependent. How do I let go of someone I love so much? I know I need to, I just don't know how, and I'm tired of sitting here crying and worrying.
Thanks for letting me vent a bit
I hope to get to know everyone better!