Hi; glad you found us! What you describe sounds vaguely familiar to me, and similar to lots of others who post here. I understand the feelings of frustration, confusion,etc.,etc.......
Coming here to read and post helps me daily, and most will tell you that Alanon is also a part (if not center) of their own recovery efforts.
I have found a lot of practical help from the Getting Them Sober books (see
http://www.GettingThemSober.com to preview a few chapters online!). I encourage you to take a look and see what you think.
I look forward to getting to know you!
p.s. Congratulations on your own sobriety!