Originally Posted by
australia 
Ive talked to my doctor before too...not really much help there...been in many types of therapy before...with and without medication...just cant seem to stick to anything...I'm not crazy or anything. To most of the outside world I am a together motivated mother who has brought up an amazing child...
How can I destroy that illusion? It's all I have...if people knew who I really was...I'd lose everything...
people would think that I was just another crappy single mother...
Hey Aussie,
You are right to describe it as an illusion. It's not the real you. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to keep up that illusion. You must be exhausted trying to be what you think everyone else wants you to be. Take a minute and imagine you had no one to please but you. What do you want to be and how do you want to see yourself?
I was raised by my Mom after my Dad dies when I was two. She had no skills whatsoever. I saw the struggle she went through on a daily basis trying to provide for my sister and me. She wasn't an alcoholic, but she still had many tough times because she was along. I can remember finding her curled up in a corner crying just because she felt so alone and scared.
Why don't you try this for now. Keep posting here and telling us how you're feeling. You don't have to go into intimate details. Although, since this place is completely anonymous, it would make any difference if you did. If you feel like you want to confide in one of us, send us a private message and we'll converse one on one. No one ever turned their life around in a day, a week, or a month. It usually take much longer to get to the root causes of what's going on inside. You've been very brave just by sharing what you have so far. We will love you as long as it takes for you to begin loving yourself. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!!