Thank you, Elizabeth1979. But I admit I'm still confused... and this IS society's fault, I think. We are taught to "do unto others" from a very early age. Some of our actions (right or wrong) we have believed to be acts of kindness. It is very hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Case in point... My AH would pass out for the night wherever he landed. In the early days of dealing with his drinking, I would try to wake him to get him into the bed. He couldn't possibly get a decent night's sleep on the bare floor, I told myself. Then I stopped doing that. I left him on the floor. But before I would go to bed, I would cover him with a blanket.
Now I could be wrong... but to me... this was an act of kindness.