Thanks Scott and cuttlefish for sharing.....
Scott....sharing a few of ur fears is a start.
It allows others to see what u r going thru
and that they r not alone....
There were many times in my life that I dont
like to be TOLD what to do....When u TELL me
what to do in a tone of voice that is demanding
arrogant, rude....then i will tune and turn u off. PERIOD
If you suggest something to me, even if i dont want
to hear it, but u say it in a calm and caring way then
I may just follow on with it....
In early recovery i wanted to be the boss, I wanted
to run the show.....I wanted to do my program my way...
I eventually realized i didnt know diddlysquat and that i kept
getting NEGATIVE results....Realizing my way wasnt
working....
Cliqueshs..u say....all those sayings, phrases, u dont
want to hear them....I hear those saying a many a times
and i have grown fond of them. They are not just words
to laugh at or ecnore....They r not silly sayings to me....
They r simply gentle reminders to guide me in recovery.
In early recovery I had no room to be "big headed" a "know
it all" because my best thinking got me into a load of doodoo.
or in other words.. sh**.....
Early recovery i had to let go of that "being better than"
and pulled down from my "high horse".... I had to zip it up,
shut up, sit down and LISTEN....Whether i liked it or not...
I was a peon....a little bit...a nothing so to speak of...These
people in meetings with a hell of a lot more recovery time
had the wisdom and knowledge of how to stay sober...i
surely didnt cause i had failed countless times to stay sober
on my own....
So yeah, i had to sit there like i whipped little thing and listen
to the words....and because i was too full of fear to say anything,
I listened, and i listened, and i went to meeting after meeting
absorbing all that i heard till eventually what i heard began to
make sense.....it didnt happen over night, but over a
period of time that i did not drink.....
I heard many times to the newcomers....try what we have
for 90 days and if u dont hear a word u like here then we
will gladly refund ur misery....
I was already miserable so what else did i have to lose.
And i stuck with the winners..the oldtimers...all those
people before me guiding me thru recovery to get me
where i am today...
Im still no better than anyone...and thats call humility...
I cant afford to be Miss Know it all, so i remain teachable...
Once i think ive got this program by the horns then my ego
will inflate an kaboom it will burst and im a goner...
Take the suggestions as ur life depends on it and stay sober.
Thanks for letting me share.