Shana, It's good that you are reaching out, hon, instead of just harboring it all in silence. I know how hard it is to let your friend be to take care of her own issues, especially when she is not doing so according to what our idea of what she should be doing is, but you have got to turn that focus off of her and back onto you. You have done what you can for her; the ball is in her court.....nothing you can do until she is ready for the change in her own behaviors.
Now about you: Do you have a phone list from your alanon meetings? Are you attending them???? When you find yourself alone because all of you friends are off doing their things, call someone from that list. That is what it is for.
I know that as children we look to our parents for love, guidence, protection and many other things. In a perfect world they are supposed to be all those things and more. But unfortunately this is not a perfect world and our parents are only made of flesh and blood and have human failings. As do we all. Forgivenss is not an easy task. But it is a necessary one....not for the person that we are forgiving, for ourselves. It's the turmoil inside of us that eats away at our serenity..... it's the release of that, the forgiveness, that brings us peace. For many of us we expect an apology from the person before we are willing to forgive....it's taught to us as children as part of the process - someone does something to hurt you, you get mad, they say"sorry", you forgive them..and go on your way to play - making up.... but you need to learn to forgive without that expectation. Just realizing and accepting that person for who they are and how they are. That doesn't mean accepting bad behavior from another into your life.... NO.... Just means not accepting responsibility for someone else's bad behavior and making peace with the past as something that happened and you are a survivor.
I hope some of this helps.... I know I rambled a bit. Hugs to you Shana