maketracks - you sound like a great, intelligent guy who is taking the first step in figuring this out much earlier than many of us did...and amongst chaos that isn't of your own making. you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now. there are tons of great people in the rooms of AA that have walked and are walking through exactly what you are dealing with right now. you are in the right place...and I'm in socal...now you know someone who you can share this with. there are TONS of meetings all around L.A...hundreds. check in anytime.