My mom has asked me for help
My mom has expressed some interest in al-anon, had gone to a handful of meetings, none of which she said she cared for much. She has since said to hell with al-anon and went back to trying to control my dads drinking. My mom is also an ACOA as is my dad.
Last week on the phone she asked me to 'give her some advice and help with her issues with al-anon."
Sigh. I told her I was sure those issues would be much better answered by a sponsor or at meetings or by reading. I told her that I wasnt going to be able to give her the name of the sites I visit bc those were part of my recovery.
I told her that I could recommend books if she would like. I also told her there was al-anon lit she could read (I know she allready has the lit) and other books. She said she wants to read them but doesnt want my dad to find them and this is funny.."your dad doesnt think I need any help he thinks Im overreacting".
Uh huh.
She said she understood my position, agreed, and then I promptly changed the subject.
I am stuck on this.
I want her to find recovery and I think she wants to.
I cant help her or do anything about it though right?
Shes not a friend, shes not a stranger. Shes my mom that continually hurt me and shes married to the father that has continually hurt me.
I love her and want health for her.
I want her to be happy.
Shes been so miserable her whole life.
I can only imagine what I wreck I would be 25 years down the road if I had not found recovery..what if when I had asked someone to help me they said no.
Am I overidentifying with her? Is this just the unnecesary guilt talking? Is this me taking responsibility for anothers actions again?
She will recover when shes sick and tired of being sick and tired right?
Im feeling sad bc I am afraid she may just stop looking for recovery.
Any suggestions?
Just stay my course and work my program? It does seem that has had a light bulb effect on her.
I feel like Im in black or white zone. Afraid to help too much afraid to help too little.
I feel like Im really confused.