My AH says he loves me all the time and occasionally asks why I don't love him. I tell him the same thing every time. "I love you. I just can't live with the drinking. "
But even putting it in plain English - he just doesn't get it.
He is mean, verbally abusive and I could hear him say what was quoted first by Tiburon the love/enable thing although I doubt my Ah has ever said the word enabling - he just sees it all as me leaving.
My AH is always saying that, "if (he) stops drinking or goes to this treatment or that, will I be there for him?". It's like if I'm not going to be there to catch him he's not even going to try.
Again, I tell him that "I can't/or we (kids & I) can't be the reason for his sobriety - he has to do it for himself or it will never work." It feels like he wants me to be his reason - so if one little thing goes wrong - he can blame me.
And I will not be that for anyone anymore.
My point being to Tiburon quote - even if we loved them they wouldn't see it as that. It's not a fine line - it's just that the line is still blurry to them. IMO