Newlandgirl,
Hi..."double winner" here. I'm closing in on 2 months sober. Both those posters are in very early recovery. They are spouting off what they are feeling at the time. Believe me, I'm on one heck of a roller coaster and my emotional pendulum swings from one extreme to another. I can be "certain" of something emotionally one day and find myself in an emotional polar opposite the next. I was actually going to bring it up at a meeting last night. When will this insanity in my head end? We are just getting to know ourselves again...sifting thru wreckage, trying to discern between our addictive-ego voices and true and natural selves. I've been stuck in some real unattractive pity parties in this process (those posts appear to be from that perspective).
Please don't take anything that the highly emotional alcoholic in early recovery says to heart. An hour later our perspective can swing dramatically.
Caring is not enabling.....enabling is not backing up your word when you've issued ultimatums, lying for them/us, tolerating bad/abusive behaviour (believe me we know when we're running roughshod over ya).
I care for my exAbf. I asked if he wanted to be sober for "us"..try again sober. He does not. Caring for him is allowing him to make his own choices and suffer his own consequences. I cannot be his "salvation". The codie in me would like to be...but I can't. No one could get me to quit drinking but me. I can only stay sober for me. This is about me and my life and once I'm a little better...it is only then I can likely offer anything of any good to anyone anyway.