Reading this list again because someone just replied....
My ex boyfriend was an alcoholic, a rager, and clearly displayed controlling and narcissist behaviours. He exibited and displayed nearly all of these and almost from Day 1.
I too thought this was part of "working through a relationship" but understand now that from my father being an alcoholic, suffering neglect as a child, going to the foster care system and having undiagnosed ADD/ADHD until just recently blocked my ability to understand my situation.
I was unclear of what I deserved since I'd never been treated better by my mother or father, kids at school, foster parents or previous boyfriends.
Through the help of a 12 step for finances, "The Secret", therapy including EMDR, prayer and diagnosis of ADD/ADHD (including a high IQ!) with medication, I have been able to clear the fog that kept me unsure of what I deserved.
I now control myself through my own thoughts and ideas, I prioritize myself, I deliberatly avoid people who display unhealthy behaviour and I write this stuff down to show myself how well I'm doing.
All the things my abuser said about me aren't true. I'm doing much better now that he's not in my life. I can sleep at night without fear. Even my dog stopped having so many accidents in the house!
I love this board for all the people who have come here in pain and who have stayed to help. Thanks SR!
giz