As an alcoholic myself I know that my exAbf can only make the decision to quit drinking himself. He drank less when we were together (but smoked weed all day long) and I drank more I think. We we split the first time I quit drinking for about a month but couldn't handle my own emotions and started to drink again. He spiraled down very, very badly got himself a DUI and a host of other criminal charges. After a few months of my own drunken pity party I went back to "save him"...pfffffft...I then spiraled down even further and we were both emotional lunatics. We split again. I quit drinking (and joined AA this time) and he's still spiraling and thrown crack into the mix. He has a medical condition that is exacerbated by alcohol... he is killing himself hard and fast (this man has 3 children and a now flailing business) but nothing is stopping him. I extended my hand in sobriety and he basically slapped it.
I am still addicted to him...more so than alcohol I think...and he is very bad for me and cannot love me the way I deserve to be loved. And it is when I am most loving that he rejects me.
At any rate, I can't watch him die. I am actually leaving the province as soon as I am able..cuz his hold on me is very strong despite his negative affects on me...which would only got worse. I told him I wouldn't be with anyone still drinking...that was enough for him to dismiss...if he had said he'd quit...I probably would've gone back and ended up nursing him emotionally and physically and killing myself in the process.
A person's life is their responsibility and they are free to make their own choices(awful as they may be). When I was a raging drunk nobody could've gotten me to quit but me. We are a stubborn bunch.
I still find myself desperately believing my love can save my ex...and I KNOW better. Another's love cannot cure addiction...he has to want it...and work for it..and learn to love himself.