My husband was also taking xanax and antidepressants along with alcohol. The worse things got, he increased the xanax and alcohol. In fact…. After one trip to the ER from .30 BAL and overdose of xanax he followed up with the doctor who didn’t even read the ER report and increased his xanax dose!! And so it continued to get worse.
We also had a big police event, him being irrational and exaggerating because of the amount of pills and alcohol. I went to jail on false charges and he up and volunteered to go on a business trip to get away, leaving me to deal with police, courts, and lawyer.
He called me while out of the country, drunk and loaded on xanax, throwing up blood, I was so freaked out, didn’t know where he was or how to get help to him.
I missed so much time from work and when I was there I couldn’t keep my mind on my job, I constantly cried and was very distraught. I could hardly function. Thank God my boss is a kind, understanding person.
I experienced and had many of the feelings you express. Time, prayer, alanon and SR friends have helped me tremendously.
If you aren’t going to alanon, find a meeting and go. Also, please keep coming back and posting, in our world things can change so quickly and it’s nice to have the support and understanding we get here.