I still have to talk to myself to avoid doing exactly that Elizabeth. What a great post.
My talks with myself usually go something like this:
Would I do the same thing if this was a different person? (eg not someone I'm intimately involved with, be it sexual, familial or friendship)
Would I do this thing for myself (fix my own furnace, cook meals for me)?
Am I expecting anything in exchage, or is this thing I'm doing done free of all expectations of obligation?
Do I WANT to do this thing, or am I doing it out of some sense of obligation?
These questions I have to ask myself on a regular basis.