Another of the same story here. AH is functioning on the outside world so well that his own family thinks that I am the one causing all of the problems....Every time he has left in a drunken rage and ran to mommies, he has told huge stories how everything is my fault.....and they tend to believe him.
I used to doubt myself, probably for five years, almost lost my mind. He had manipulated me so well into thinking it was me with the problem. I am so glad for finding this place, or I may not have ever figured it out. He had always drank alot, so I wasn't sure if it was that or not. Then when I found out it was progressive, everything fit. Then I realized that I wasn't crazy. Such a good feeling there.
Then I realized it wasn't MY problem. Then I stopped accepting being treated like dirt. Then AH finally realized that he has a problem. The next step will be AH getting over his denial. He realizes there is a problem, but thinks he can control it.......
Well that's where we are, at least he is controlling his mouth. He used to say the most hurtful things he could think of when drunk, to "get to me", and he admits that! When he failed to get a reaction out of me, and I couldn't help laughing one time at the ridiculousness of his words, he just stopped. We talked about it later, and he thought I was an even colder, heartless b'tch, but then he realized that I wasn't going to fall for it any more. He knows he can't "get to me" and this deflated alot of his abusive mouth. He may have changed his tactics a bit though. I have noticed that he will be nasty towards one of the kids, correcting them for every little tiny fault he can find, very critical, and he knows I will step in at that point.....I keep reminding him that it would be very bad for anyone who gets in between a Mother Bear and her Cubs....he takes the warning lightly, but usually backs off.
We are at a mutually agreeable place right now. I don't fuss over his drinking, and he doesn't instigate any trouble when he is drinking. I wouldn't say it's perfect by a long shot, but for now I can tolerate it knowing that I am a little bit more sane.