Cynay

Then I reminded her that she was letting daddy win by making her cry


Please do not take offence, I only share this because I was that little girl and know how this affected me.

Please don’t tell her that by crying daddy wins. This was my thought process from the time I can remember and I still have it with me today. I did not cry in front of anyone till my 20s…. It is not a contest to win or lose, they are feelings and she should be able to express them.

I cannot remember the last time I was able to cry for myself with another person and let them love me through it….. wait that is not true, I let my then 14 year old hold me and I held her when my Mother died…. But that is it. I cant cry with and for other people but I can share me with them…. It is still in my head that if I cry they win… and it’s my shameful weakness.

I learned at a very early age not to trust and to expect people to let me down or hurt me.... Since I already know they will I have always held the most important and deepest parts of me away and never shared them with another. How sad is that. I’m learning to trust, help and allow help by working my recovery program but it is such a slow process.

I can’t even try to tell you what to do in your marriage…. Maybe therapy or you could set the boundaries like…. When he does this and you see the pain in your daughter you remove her from the room???? Something. It will not matter if you leave him, he will get visitation rights and still do it. I know my ex-AH did it all the time to my daughter, the only thing I could think to do is hold her when she cries and tell her is that he is ill, but he loves her …. Just not the way she wants or deserves to be loved.

We as parents will always hurt our children, we will never be perfect. The question is taking responsibility and working on improvement.

This is only my two cents…. Please take what you want and leave the rest.