Stonerat,
I'm glad you showed up here, you will definitely get all the support that we can give you. I just got out of a 30 treatment center, and it was the best thing that I have ever done. I'm now 40 something days clean, and have never felt better. For me, the key has been going to meetings no matter what. No excuses, no rationalizing, no justifying. I've found that just coming clean with other addicts/alcoholilcs and with my family has been the most therapeutic thing for me. Hang in there and remember, you don't have to drink/use just for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself and yesterday is gone. Cast aside the shame and guilt, those were the things that were keeping me from seeking help. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you just have "a disease that can be arrested at some point." I'll be praying for you.