Josie,
I just went through a horrible time emotionally and the thing I arrived at was...after all this time...I have to let him go. I can't allow myself to worry about the "why's" because I have no control over them. Only he does. I think maybe I have to let him go over and over.
I have a hard time with the balance between support and boundaries because it seems as though when I offer support he reads it as an open door. I just wrote a letter to him (in jail) defining my boundaries and I have to stick with them and find that balance.
I was to the point where I wanted to cut him out of my life. I realized that it wouldn't work anyway. People still ask about him, I still am concerned about him, we have a grandson who loves him. I was feeling so trapped! I am 50 years old and my 40's were consumed with him and my recovery...I don't want my life to continue like that. After all, what would he do if something happened to us?? He HAS to do this on his own!
I have been thinkin' about you Josie...I hope this helps even a little bit. I have been doing this a long time and I still get caught up in the emotion of it from time to time. I simply went back to the basics and today I feel better.
Hugs,
JT