Read AA's Big Book. It discusses spirtuality and addresses your struggle with getting in touch with a Higher Power. These issues are addressed in Chapter 4, titled "We Agnostics." I think that's a good place to start. I don't think anybody can tell you what to believe or not to believe. I happen to believe in an imnipotent being called God who is running the show. Not the way I may want him (or her, or it!) to be running the show, but that's life. It is also my personal choice to believe as I do, but I'm certainly not going to tell anyone which path they should follow as far as believing goes.
Joyce Meyer uses a lot of Biblical references in her writing. Perhaps reading something a bit less biblically-oriented would be preferable. As I said, the Big Book gets into it. There are plenty of books online you can purchase written for those who are struggling with what, if anything, they should believe.