You asked how I stopped the insanity? It took many steps.
1. Realized I could no long go on like this.
2. Sought counsoling
3. Worked with Alanon
4. Read tons of books and utilized this site
5. Got healthy mentally and physically
6. Left him
Not saying leaving is the only answer, some people can do 1 thru 5 and stay. I wasn't wired to live that way. It is a process and takes time. You do not get well overnight. Once on the road to your own recovery, life does get better. You will always have the scars of dealing with an alcoholic, for me they are no longer open festering wounds. Keep coming back, this is a great place no matter where you are in your recovery.