Originally Posted by
devil_angel 
And I dont mean to be harsh at all, I know how you feel and I know it is far from easy. Our minds do become very confused. I just want you to know that it is not healthy and it does get so much better if you start putting yourself first.
I certainly agree...........I work at "undoing" that kind of obsessive-thinking habit daily;that is one reason I try to come here several times a day;so I don't fall back into those patterns. It creeped up on me without my knowledge. It takes work and practice and the people here have been very kind examples for me so that I am FINALLY starting to realize my obsessing for what it is and have they have given me a better way to strive for,and shown the way about how to go about actually doing it! It is really helping me and I am starting to feel my center again and not be in conflict with myself day and night (no wonder I have been so tired and confused!)
I find reading helps me alot;and re-reading. My mind catches on a lot faster than my feelings but that is ok,it's a process. As long as I'm getting better,I am not getting sicker! ha Have you read "Under the Influence", "Getting Them Sober",the Big Book of AA? All those have been gentle,helpful starting places for me. There are many other great books,too. Go to a book store and check it out. (Hazelden publishers have a lot of good ones,too)
It IS a struggle. I came here feeling just like you do......I STILL have days like that,although they are much less common for me now
Get the body there and the mind will follow. You can't feel your way into good actions,but you can act your way into feeling good....you keep working on your recovery and you'll get better inspite of yourself.....all things I have heard and have proved to be very true.
Take a chance to try a different way that has worked for many...many who didn't believe it would but had run out of options so they tried it anyhow. Trust enough to surrender to a new way....like me,doesn't sound like the "old" way has worked too well. (and it doesn't against alcoholism).
You are in good company;we have ALL been there! Keep coming back!!
*hugs*